What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 09:23
He resisted the act ,that day.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Do you regret being married to your current wife?
When she asked me how she looked .
But, we were locked up after school.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Ive learnt so much.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why am I so afraid that gun owners have set traps to kill me outside my house or my car?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It was going to be , some day.
What are some things that children used to wait for, but are no longer common in today's society?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
(And it was in our own minds.)
What are some common lies that addicts may tell themselves?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He knew the spot.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why did we evolve to have so many nerve endings in our anuses?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
What do you think of casting Emma Watson as the next James Bond?
We were not on the streets..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Is it possible to become homeless after being released from jail or prison in the United States?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I write beautiful poetry .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was scared of men, in general
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
How can I fall asleep fast at night?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What is the difference between heaven and heavens?
We all went to grammer schools
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Put me off passion for life!!
One cannot live in the past .
She found it foreign!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I don,t even have a pension.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Comes on , in middle age.
Who then, do I blame.?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She was in good health!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My life is so biszare .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So, i spoilt her more .
I could never make a relationship work though!
But ive been too sick for many years..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was 9 years of age.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She loved him until the end.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was seconnd youngest,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But it wasn’t much.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
All the time i was locked up.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And i lived it daily.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I have no regrets .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was very sick at this time too.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im still living with it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why did i forgive my father ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So whats the point in blame.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is soul school!.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I will be 64.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I said to her
My family never makes their pension either.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Would this be the day?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I think the readers, may guess!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She married twice! .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What did i know ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I waited trembling.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She wouldn,t have been !
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.